Random fact about Katie... I don't do "busy" very well. I envy those people who can organize their days so perfectly and juggle multiple tasks like a pro. I am NOT one of those people. If I have too much on my plate I don't function very well. I get so stressed and can't deal with it. The last couple months my life has become busier and busier as I have added projects and tasks and this and that. I have taken on too much. I have neglected the things that need my attention the most. As I write this I worry that those who know me might be saying to themselves "What is she talking about? She doesn't do that much. I have just as much or more on my plate and I get it done." Am I just being paranoid? Am I just being a baby about my small load? I know there are people out there that do way more than me and have to deal with a lot more. I give those people props for doing what they are doing! I am not talking about them though... I am talking about me and what I can handle.
I was so stressed and pretty discouraged yesterday. When my husband got home he could see how wound up and stressed out I was and asked what was up. That is when I just let it all out. Poor guy is married to a loony. I was telling him how I want to do all these things, accomplish all these goals, make a difference. I want o do all these things and do well at them but I feel like I just can't because I'm all over the place. I know so many amazing women that do so many amazing this. Why can't I do as much as they do? Why can't I keep my house clean, take care of the kids, be a good wife, make dinner, do laundry, work from home, work a part time job, write a meaningful blog post a couple times a week, build my followers on Instagram, be a fitness/health superstar, be a fashionista, decorate my house and work on all of these other projects I have rambling around inside my mind? Why is it when I spend time with my husband and kids I always feel a little guilty because there is something that is dirty and something to be worked on? When my husband asked me what was wrong I wanted to just say "ME! There is something wrong with me!" And I might have said something like that. I am always feeling like I am falling a little farther behind on my "To Do" list. I just can't keep up with the Jones'!
Please don't think that I always feel like this. My life has developed into this amazing journey as I have come to know who I am, what I am capable of, what is important, and where I want my life to go. But I am afraid that in these last few weeks I have lost sight of my ultimate goals. I have moments or self pity and get down on myself here and there. I have distracted myself with things just aren't needed in my life at this time. And as a result I have felt like I am not enough. I have to simplify and focus on the things that need to be done now. I have to remind myself that I am human. The adversary tries to make us think that if we are not conquering the world and living up to a certain standard that we aren't good enough. That is SO not the truth! We are all different and can do and not do different things. We do not have to channel our inner Beyonce and "rule the world". That chick is pretty rad and more power to her for being such a powerhouse, but I am not Beyonce. I am Katie. I'm cool with just ruling something smaller... like a country or two... or maybe just my life. I want to rule my life! Not have my life rule me!
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I have already sat down and decided what to unload off of my plate so I can give more time to those people and projects that need my time. Those things are... My relationship with my Heavenly Father and my Savior, my husband, my children, myself, my blog, my business, and a project I have had tucked away that needs attention so it can be let out into the world.
I truly believe that God has a purpose for each and every one of His children. We just have to simplify our lives of all the distractions so that we can know what is needed of us. When we get rid of all the things that distract us from what matters most we will be able to do amazing things for each other and for ourselves.
A couple of my favorite scriptures come to mind. "And faith, hope, charity and love, with an eye single to the glory of God, qualify him for the work." (D&C 4:5) It is simple. Faith, hope, charity and love. Another favorite is ,"In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." (Proverbs 3:6) I will be keeping my eye single to the glory of God so that He can direct my path the way it should go. Having too much on my plate these last few weeks has kept me from being who God needs me to be. It has also made me think that I had to be someone else. I felt like I had to do everything at once to be better, My worth in this world is not determined by how may followers I have or how many checks are on my to-do list or who I am keeping up with. My worth does not increase or decrease.If a twenty dollar bill buys 10 items instead of two it is not worth more. I can't take on so much thinking that it will change my worth or importance. I have to remind myself that it is QUALITY not QUANTITY that matters.
XOXO,
Katie
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