Every Life Matters Q&A - Morgan Slade

When I first decided to start blogging I wasn't sure what it was going to be. Lifestyle? Family? Faith? Random Katie thoughts? It has been a bit of all those. But I always knew from the beginning that this blog needed to be used to share one very important message... EVERY LIFE MATTERS! So to do just that I started the E.L.M. Q&A. And it has proven to be such a blessing. All the Q&A's I have done so far have been so great because of the great individuals who have helped me by being a part of the series. And I hope to be able to start posting one every week or 2. So if you know of someone or you would like to be a part of my Q&A series please let me know!

You can read past Q&As HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, and HERE!

OK... So it's time to introduce the AMA-zing woman who is behind this Q&A. I  have had the pleasure to meet Morgan a couple times but have gotten to know her better by stalking her on Facebook and Instagram. She is an amazing photographer and I just drool over her photos. She did our family's photos once and one of my favorite pictures of all time is one she captured of my sweet kidlets. She seriously has some mad skills. And shes an awesome mom and pretty dang funny! Another reason she is so impressive is because she is a great writer. You will see how great as you read her Q&A! I'm so happy that she has taken the time to do this Q&A and I'm so excited for you to read it! It's one of my faves so far. 

Take it away Morgan...

Tell us a bit about yourself.

I think the best term to describe myself would be a lover. I'm an optimist by nature but a realist by experience. Most importantly I am a wife and mother to three messy, wild and crazy, anything but reverent children that I love more than any dream I've ever had. I hate being in positions of power, and telling other people what to do. I love to write because doing so serves as my "voice," without having to actually speak.  I hate washing my hair and I think that dry shampoo is the best invention since since post it notes. I've had a crush on Justin Timberlake since his days at the Mickey Mouse club and I still get the butterflies when I hear any reference to Nsync. My husband is my best friend and my biggest competition. I love that we can make anything into a game and that each of us values winning but only one of us can lose gracefully (I'll let your imagination determine just who that is). 

Who matters to you?

First and foremost my children and my husband are the most valuable assets I could ever hope to have. I also value my personal relationship with Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. I invest myself in relationships that are rewarding in that they require as much giving as they do taking, allow me to be myself free from constant criticism, and encourage me to mold my character into something prettier and better. Anyone who can foster a healthy relationship with me is someone who matters to me. My mom and dad are some of my best friends, and above all some the best people I know. They both are my biggest fans but they also tell me when I am wrong. People that are honest, loving, and supportive are people who matter to me.

How do you show them that they matter to you?

I have a really great fear of speaking in public. It's not a fear of actually speaking but rather not being able to effectively "say," the things I need to say in order to deliver my message-so I write. I write notes on envelopes, facebook messages, instagram posts, and I've even written on napkins, church programs, and receipts. I write things that pop into my head in the moment and deliver them to people. The opposite of speaking is listening, so being as I loathe the former I try to indulge in the latter. I love listening, I love being a sounding board and someone that other people can trust TO LISTEN. So often I don't even have to say anything, I just have to listen and the other party's soul is a little less heavy. I love listening. 

Tell us about a time in your life when someone has made you feel like you mattered.

I know it might be cliche but I feel like my children validate my worth almost daily. They NEED me, and that makes me feel of value. I think so often that we determine our worth based on monumental accomplishments and public recognition but sometimes if we would just notice the small accolades awarded to us daily our demeanor would brighten and our sense of self importance would catapult. Knowing that my precious little people need me makes me feel like I matter, even if my day consists of mundane tasks like pouring cereal, changing diapers, and reaching things on the top shelf. Service, is the key to helping me feel like I matter. 

Tell us about a time in your life when you haven't felt like you mattered.

I constantly feel like I don't matter. My friend said something really profound once. She stated that: Satan's biggest accomplishment was convincing the world that he didn't exist but maybe his biggest accomplishment was convincing individuals that the world paid no attention to their existence. EVERYONE feels like they don't matter at some point and some feel that way more than others. You can be the star player, number one pinterest mom, or the all star marathon runner and still feel obsolete and unnoticed. Just as being a mom makes me feel like I matter sometimes, on the hard days, my role as a mother can make my heart heavy. I start to think about all the things I could have done or the changes I could have made if I had chosen a different route. 

How did you overcome that? 

I talk about it, or rather; I write about it. There is a stigma attached to admitting when you feel vulnerable-indicating that doing so is a sign of weakness. That stigma is the reason we feel lonely, unimportant, and unnoticed. How comforting would it be to know that mass numbers of other people feel the same way you do, and feel that way often? I don't think we need to host pity parties on social media but I do think good can come from exposing our weaknesses once in a while. 

What matters to you and why?

So many things matter to me but if I had to sum it all up  I would say that making the people I love most feel loved. I don't think I've ever felt so much joy as I have when I see my husband succeed or my kids accomplish hard things. My husband is my saving grace. I love him, despite his faults, and feel so blessed that he loves me in lieu of my many quirks. We fit together like brand new puzzle. I also value greatly the healthy relationships I have in my life. I am often in awe of how blessed I am to be surrounded by some many amazing people: from my parents, to my siblings, and my friends, I have so many people that I value. Lastly, my faith matters. I have a faith in a divine creator and a faith in the atoning sacrifice of his son. This faith as carried me through great triumphs and utterly defeating moments of despair. 

Life can get pretty crazy and there are a lot of distractions and things to get us off track. How do you keep focus on what matters most to you in your life?

I simplify. I have never felt so liberated as when I say NO to things that overshadow those things and people that matter to me. I let things go. I will never be able to make the perfect cupcake, or sew anything other than a pillow case. I hate doing my daughters hair, and will never be able to do those wicked awesome waterfall braids. I LOATHE handmade valentines and get anxiety just thinking about throwing themed birthday parties. I LET ALL THOSE THINGS GO. The best "ah ha," moment of  the past two years was when I actually accepted the ideology that I am really good at some things but I'm not good at EVERYTHING- and that is OKAY!  

If you could give one message to those reading this what would it be?

I've always tried to live by the wise words of Mark Twain, "With courage you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be compassionate, and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity." In a cut throat world kindness is becoming a rarity. Dare to be kind and compassionate. One of my favorite mantras states: goodness only exists if it it practiced.

I am my soul.

A long looong time ago, before I can remember, I was created by a loving Father who gave me all I needed to be great. I was happy. I loved and was loved. I had a personality and thoughts and worries and made choices. And one day I was given the choice to choose sides. I chose to follow my elder brother who loved me enough to give so much for me. He would give his life. I can't remember the details... But I know it is true! I just know. I imagine it wasn't easy to choose. I had 1/3 of my loved ones choose the opposite side. Did I lose a best friend? Or maybe it was easy for me to choose. I'm not sure because as a result of choosing to follow the side that I did I also chose to come to a place I had never been before and to live a life not remembering all that happened and who I was in my old home.

And after living on this earth for 32 years I am finally starting to see that I am not a body that has a soul, but a soul that was given a body. My soul is who I have always been. I am a child of God, and He has sent me here. And I am so happy to know that He knows who I am.

All my life, or at least most of it, I have been trying to find who I am. Or create who I think I should be. I have referred to myself as old Katie or weak Katie or new Katie or brave Katie or silly Katie or dorky Katie...  And I have spent so much time on a journey to find me. And guess what... It was all such a waste. All that time and energy that was spent searching was a waste. I didn't need to find who I am. I needed to accept who I am. That person who chose to come to earth is the same person who loves music, has fears, doesn't like to have people mad at her and believes in love. I finally understand who I am,

This is me... Silly, emotional, lover of music, avoider of conflict, dreamer, dorky dancer, colorful...

I am a mom.

I am a wife.

I am part of a very wonderful family.

I am a Daughter of God. And He loves me. When the world tells me I am not enough God tells me I matter. I have a role in life to help others remember that they are also children of a loving Heavenly Father and the EVERY LIFE MATTERS! I was sent to this earthly life not to become someone else but to become better and to help others do the same. And guess what? So were you.

XOXO,

Katie

My Happiness.

Even though they are stinkers when the camera comes out, I still love these 2. They are my happiness! As you can see it is not easy to get a decent photo of Molly girl. And I am just happy there are 2 decent ones of Cooper. He is usually talking, pulling a goofy face or fake smiling in pictures.

Gosh I love my babies...

Molly wasn't letting go of Her toothbrush! And of course this is the only one she would smile in.

Love that lil nose!

Almost every picture I got of her she pulled a stink face at me. Stinker...

See!!!

But then she got her paci and the stink face was long gone. She loves that thing. I'm going to have a hard time getting it away from her in a few months. Pray for me!!!

This handsome boy is my guy! Love him! He makes me laugh and is always such a great helper!

He is growing up so much lately. Why do they do that to us? I miss my tiny Coop-a-doo.

These 2 are such amazing blessing! I love that I get to be their mom. I just wish they would be more cooperative when I want to play photographer... ;)

Do your kids turn into little stinkers when the camera comes out???

XOXO,

Katie

Stressed & Blessed

Recently I have been extra stressed. I hate stress. Stress sucks. I just want to simplify and move to a cabin in the mountains and live a chill life with my family. But I don't think that will ever happen. So instead I will simplify and go to the mountains with my family as much as possible. I will remember my blessing and love the life I have. I won't let stress overcome my life. And I won't give up on my dream of giving my kids an amazing memorable life filled with adventure and love.

Here's a video of a lil adventure we went on a few days ago. I love days like this.

If you could live anywhere where would you live? A cabin in the woods? A flat in Paris? A beach house? Disneyland???

XOXO,

Katie

It's Friday. I'm a mom. And I'm OK with that.

Can I just get something off of my chest???

I absolutely HATE this saying that travels around social media...

Really? I don't agree at all. Yes... Parenting is hard work a lot of the time. It's stressful and tiring at times. And I get the need to have a break. I have needed (am currently needing) a break from motherhood to recharge myself and keep my sanity. I get that...

Here is why I don't get it... I love weekends with my kids! That's when we get to have our adventures, have fun, and make the best memories.

I'm not trying to bag on any moms out there. I am just wanting to point out that maybe those "Oh wait... I'm a mom." moms need to see things differently. Instead of being jealous of those childless woman who are spending their weekends doing what those without children do, be happy for the extra time you have with your kids.

I think a lot of problems could be solved if we just changed our focus. Stop focusing on what we don't have and start focusing on what do do have.... and be thankful for it!

What do you think we have missed by focusing on the wrong thing?

I'm going to be spending my weekend with my husband and kids making memories and having just as much fun, or maybe even more, as those who aren't moms.

Being a mom isn't a burden... It's the greatest blessing.

XOXO,

Katie

Let us be kind.

Yesterday while driving home Cooper and I were talking. I love having our chats after he has been away to his dad's. It usually starts out the same way...

"How was your visit?"

"Good."

"What did you do? Anything fun?"

"Yeah."

"What was your favorite part about the visit?"

(It's usually something about video games or something funny on YouTube that they watched.)

It goes on until it becomes a genuine conversation where he is telling me this or that and he finally actually tells me how it was. Then it evolves into other topics ranging from random facts he knows to some sort of super hero or something like that. After a bit I asked him if he was excited to get back to school & see his friends. And that is when all the nudging and coaxing him to communicate with me payed off. 

You need to know Cooper to know how amazing he is. And I know I his mom and I have to say that but I'm honestly impressed with this kid day in and day out. He is kind, funny, creative, smart, and just so genuine. What you see is what you get. I love him.And that is why it hurts to find out that a kid(s) at school are being unkind to your child. Especially when you know that he deserves so much more.

As I asked that question I could tell something was up... He didn't give me a very enthusiastic answer... just a "yeah..." and that was it. I asked "Aren't you excited to see your friends and play with them?" And he told me that he only sees his friends in class and that he can't talk to them during class. So I said to him that he will get to play with them at recess. That is when he told me that a boy in his class has a password to get to play with them and Cooper doesn't know it so he can't play. Oh that instantly broke my heart. I said a quick silent prayer and then said this (or something pretty close to it) to my child...

"That is not fair or nice of him. I am sorry, bud. Sometimes people are unkind to each other. And sometimes there is a reason and sometimes there is not. But it doesn't matter what the reason is because no one deserves to be treated unkind. Don't let him make you feel bad. You are amazing and there is no good reason for him or anyone else to not let you play with them. You just remember that you are loved and that you matter. If he tells you you can't play without a password just go play with someone else. But you don't be unkind to him. You don't want to do the same thing he is doing. You can stand up for yourself and still be kind. And don't worry about finding someone to play with... You'll makes lots of friends throughout your life. Some will go away and some will stay your friend forever. Just try to always be a good friend and don't let anyone make you feel bad about yourself because you are an awesome kid!"

That is when he says... "I know. You've told me before to always be nice and I am. I promise"

It's so hard to protect your kids from hurt. I wish I could just put them in a bubble that deflected any and all unkindness that others will most certainly throw at them. But I know I can't do that. All I can do is give them the tools to rise above and survive it when it happens.

Each morning before school Cooper and I say a little prayer to help him throughout the day. And before he heads off to school I say the same thing with a hug and sometimes a kiss if he will allow it... 

Be safe! Have fun! Pay attention! Do your best! Be kind! I love you! See you later!

I imagine my Father in Heaven saying those things to me as I set off to learn my own lessons here in mortality... "Be safe! Have fun! Pay attention! Do your best! Be kind! I love you! See you later!"  I imagine Him gathering me in a hug and a kiss on my head and sending me off... wishing He could put me in a bubble to protect me from hurt and heartache. But God knew He could not do that. He new I had to experience those feelings to know what they felt like so I could learn to love. So instead of a bubble He gave me tools to use. He gave me prayer. He gave me His love. He gave me the example and life of His son Jesus Christ. He gave me the words and examples of His servants and prophets in ancient and modern day scripture. And He gave me the Holy Ghost.

This morning as Cooper ran out the door to catch his ride to school I said a prayer... a prayer that Cooper will have the Holy Ghost to help remind him of his worth. And a prayed that Coop to be lead to someone who might need a great friend like Cooper and who can be the same for my son.

Let us teach kindness to our children by word and by example. Let there be more love. Let us be a good friend to one another. Let us remember that we are all important and that every life matters. Let us be kind.

This is one of our favorite videos. We watch videos on Mormon Channel a lot. I have watched this one with Cooper a couple times before. I think we will re-watch it again tonight for Family Home Evening.

XOXO,
Katie

Dotson's loves - 2014

2014... It wasn't an easy year. Looking back to where we were a year ago I just can't believe how much I loved it. 

We moved from southern Utah to North Eastern Utah because of a feeling. The kids and I moved up the very beginning of the year and moved in with my sister and her family so Cooper could start school when Christmas break was over. That was so hard. I hated not knowing when Dustin would be able to join us. He still had to find a job. That is how sudden our decision to move was. We had been talking about moving for a long time but never got past the first and not so serious stages... it was just a "what if" each time we talked about it. But mid December we (mainly I) had a strong feeling that we were supposed to move. Those first few months were some of the hardest of my life. 

But looking back on this last year I can see all the blessing that came from that prompting and decision to move over 6 hours away from the home we knew. A few of those blessings were...

Cooper's confidence!
In his old school he wasn't doing well. I hated seeing him struggle in school and knowing that his confidence was getting lower and lower as time went by. By the grace of God Cooper was blessed to get the most amazing teacher when we moved. I remember the first time we went in to talk to her after Cooper had been going to her class for a couple weeks. I was so nervous that it would be the same thing I heard from his old teacher... He didn't pay attention, he was a distraction, something needed to be done, he's smart but he isn't doing his work, he was just a hard student... I hated hearing those things. But as I sat down with his new teacher I didn't cringe at all the complaints I was preparing myself to hear. Instead she talked about all of his strengths, how much she enjoyed having him, and then talked to me about her concern for him and how low his confidence was. I wanted to cry... She got it. She saw what I saw! She saw Cooper! By the end of the year Cooper was doing 100 times better. He still had a hard time paying attention and we had to keep on him about stay on task, but that wasn't the main focus. The main focus was for him to be positive and his confidence in himself and what he can do. Those few short months in Miss Eberhard's class were such a blessing.

Coping with my depression & learning to love and accept myself!
I haven't really wrote about this much. Looking back at myself one year ago I am floored at the difference. one year ago, before moving up here, I was an exhausted mother to a little boy who was struggling in school and a 6 month old who had turned my life upside down and pushed me to the breaking point. Molly had jaundice and then colic. I remember night after night of being awake and wondering how I wasn't dead from lack of sleep. I was dealing with so many emotions. I loved my new little baby girl with all my heart but I was so depressed. I have dealt with depression for a long time. I had ups and downs for years. I never really remembered it getting as bad as it had that winter though. I didn't take care of myself, I wasn't interested in doing much other than keeping my family fed, clothed and loved. I spent all the love I had on my family and had none left for myself. I didn't like who I was. But of course I was in denial about it. This was my husbands reason to move. He told me one day that he was worried about me and that he was moving to help me. Later on when I was alone I cried so hard because first I knew that I was slipping into depression but I hadn't realized I was already there. And second because I knew how difficult it was for my husband to move. He is a creature of habit. He gets into his comfy routine and isn't swayed from it easily. The fact that he was willing to uproot his whole life for me was overwhelming.

Fast forward to a couple months after moving in with my sister and I was finally accepting that I had to learn to cope instead of overcome or get better. My sister played a huge role in my journey of remembering who I am and loving her again. She doesn't take excuses... One day I was having a day and I remember her telling me to chill the freak out and stop making excuses. It was hard to hear. I was initially mad at her but then realized she was saying what needed to be said. Over the next few months I gradually found a way to cope with the depression and learn when I was getting to close to the edge. I started crossfit in May after my sister bugged me about it for a couple months. I hated it and loved it all at the same time. Crossfit was way more than a workout. I seriously found so much strength and determination that I didn't know I had. I cried during many of the WODs (Workout Of the Day). I pushed myself past any boundary I thought I couldn't cross. I got much more mentally and emotionally from it than physically. And I got a TON from it physically. I wish I could still go. I quit after hurting my arm when I crashed on the Alpine Slide in Park City. After that I wasn't able to afford it. But those few months I got from going were a huge part of me loving me again.

Another big moment in this journey was when I attended the Bright Night Event in July. I won't go way into it but I will say this... The women I met and got to know made a huge impact in my life. Before I went I was so nervous and I wanted to find a reason not to go. But I went and when I go there I made a promise to myself that I would be myself and let these women know the real Katie. I was so surprised to find out that people liked me... The real me! The kindness and genuine interest that those women showed for me was another huge stepping stone for me and I will forever be grateful for that day and those women.

New adventures!
I grew up in Southern Utah and I have been everywhere down there. I love being outdoors but I am ashamed to say that growing up with all that beauty in my backyard kind of took away from the excitement of it. After we moved up north we decided to get to know northern Utah a bit more. I have come to love the northern Utah scenery. It's exciting to go somewhere you haven't ever been before. I have had a hard time living in Roosevelt because there are no mountains surrounding the town because we are on top of the mountains. But when we take the time to drive off somewhere and go somewhere new I absolutely love it. And I love sharing those adventures with my family. I feel like it has brought us closer.

Mr. & Mrs. Dotson!

With all the trials and the hard times we have faced over this last year my husband and I have grown so much closer and our relationship has become stronger. There are things that I don't blog about of post about on social media... they are important and hard and special and annoying... My marriage isn't the average marriage. No ones marriage is an average marriage! My husband and I love each other. We fight, We make up. We get mad. We forgive. We hold things in. We blow up at the worst time. We forgive again and again. We make each other smile. We hold each others hand during the hard times. We face trials together and apart. We grow. We learn. We love. This last year has been so hard and so amazing and so surprising. 2014 definitely helped us to be a better couple.

Blogging!
I started blogging a month or so after I went to Bright Night Event. I was so nervous to blog. I worried about what people would think. But I had a strong feeling that I needed to just stop worrying and start a blog. And all I knew was that it needed to have something to do with Every Life Matters. That is why I do the E.L.M. Q&A. I have loved writing this blog and I have learned so much about life and what is really important. It has been a huge blessing for me.

Exploring my creativity!
This year as I have been on my journey to better self image and accepting myself I have really searched a lot with my creativity. Ideas, passions, interests and things I had no idea I had the ability to do has helped me to be better. I have started a new way to be creative and I am so excited about it but I am just not ready to spill the beans quite yet. I guess I'm too nervous to talk about it in fear that it will turn out to be not as exciting as I see it. But... I am grateful for all the creatives who have helped me to think outside the box and explore my own creativity.

Motherhood!
I have come to know how important my role as mother to my children is. Although it is hard at times I love being mom. Molly and Cooper are two of my very greatest blessing. Each day I learn something new because Cooper is so curious. And each day I find out what it's like to fall in love each time Molly looks at me with those beautiful blue smiling eyes. I love that part of me. I am a mom. How cool is that?!?!? My children have taught me so much and I am grateful for every day I have with them... Even if a lot of those days are filled with diapers, crying, sleepless nights, having to tell my son over and over to do something and wondering if I'm doing good enough. When it all comes down to it, I love my role as mom and I will take the good, the bad, and the crazy all together!

My spirituality!
I have always had a testimony of The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints. I know that my Father in Heaven loves me. I know my Savior atoned for my sin because he loves me. I know I am a daughter of God. But over this last year my relationship with my Father has developed and grown so strong. I can't even put into words the feeling I feel when I think of where I was spiritually and where I am now. I know my worth. I know that we are all loved and cared for. Just because we have trials or hard times does not mean that we have been forgotten or abandoned. Through all my struggles, trials, happy moments, loneliness, and everything in between I have felt the love of my Savior and my God. And I have had the Holy Ghost to guide me. If you get anything from this post please let this be it.... YOU MATTER TO GOD! YOU MATTER TO THE WORLD! We all matter! We are all loved!

There have been lots and lots of fun memories over this last year. And I made a lil video of just a few. If I would have added all the pictures I wanted it would have lasted for a couple days. So here ya go... a year in review and put to one of our favorite songs from this years.

"So now I laugh just a little more,
I stand much taller than I did before,
I know I'm not where I need to be,
But I thank God that I'm not where I used to be."
-Alex Boye (Lemonade)

Here's to another amazing year filled with ups, downs, love, growth and adventure. 

For 2015 my goals are...

What are your goals for the year?

XOXO,
Katie