Crying on the kitchen floor. It's normal.

(Top: Cooper and I after he got his bobcat badge

Bottom: Warrior face!) 

Last night at pack meeting Coop got his bobcat badge. I got to paint his face during the little ceremony thing. It was pretty fun. Cooper has come to really love scouts. I love it. I love seeing him enjoying something and being happy. He is such a good kid. I really needed that time with him last night. And here's why... Lately I haven't felt like the best mom. I have been so stressed and emotional the last few days and when you mix those two together it is never good. Yesterday was my breaking point. Before we went to scouts I was trying to make a dent in the mess I have let pile up in my kitchen and after the 100th time of getting Molly off the table, out of the cupboards or drawers and putting away whatever she got out, I lost my cool. I yelled at Molly. I had been praying and trying to not yell all day. I yell too much. It's one of my many faults. And at that moment after yelling and telling her she is driving my nuts I had all my insecurities as a mom and homemaker rush forward and I felt like crap. "Gosh! I suck at this!" So I sat on the kitchen floor and started to cry. I started saying a prayer in my heart telling my Father how I felt and how inadequate I felt. " I can't do this. I need help!" A short heartfelt prayer that said so much more... I need help to get past my shortcomings. I need help to be a better woman. I need help to be a better mom, wife and homemaker. I need help to accomplish the things I need to do day to day. I need help to get control of my crazy woman hormones and not let satan use that time of weakness against me. I need help to be better... And a couple minutes after my prayer was sent heavenward, as I sit on the floor crying like a loon, my sweet boy comes upstairs, kneels down beside me, puts his arms around me and says, "Don't worry mom. I'll help you." I don't remember saying that I needed help out loud. I was sure I said it in my head. 

I am hesitant to share that moment because it feels like our moment, mine and Coop's. But I have this other part of me that feels like I need to share it because my whole purpose of sharing yesterdays breakdown was to also share my testimony that God doesn't expect perfection from us moms. and is there listening and waiting for us to open up to Him. He doesn't love us less when there are dishes overflowing our sinks or crusty food under the baby's highchair that never got cleaned up. He doesn't expect us to be happy all the time and never have bad days. He doesn't care if we end up staying in out leggings all day with a t shirt covered in our children's food and boogers. He doesn't think less of us for not putting any make up on or doing our hair before our husbands get home from work. And He certainly doesn't love us less because we can't seem to reach the worlds standard of a good homemaker.

None of that matters.

So what does matter to God? What does He want from us? 

Love. 

He wants us to love our families and teach them through example how to love. He wants us to love our lives and find happiness. He wants us to love ourselves and know that who we are is enough. He wants us to love each other. and show our love by serving one another and being kind. And our Heavenly Father wants us to know that no matter who we are, what we do, what we wear, how we feel about ourselves, or what mistakes we have made... He loves us. His love for us is infinite and never changes. Even though I felt like such a failure, crying on the floor, overwhelmed and feeling crazy, He loved me enough to send my little boy upstairs to answer my plea for help. God listened to my small prayer because He loves me.

John 3:16
For God so loved the world, that he gave his onlybegotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Every life matters.