Playing alone at recess.

This morning I was talking to Cooper while he was getting ready for school and he told me that he doesn't have any friends to play with at recess.

(Insert mom's heart breaking here)

I pray every single day that I can do and say the things my children need to help them be happy in life. Cooper has had this problem at school a couple times already and I have told him not to worry cause he is awesome and that he should find a new friend. When in my mind I want to tell him that he is too good for those mean kids anyway and they suck! I have to hold the protective mama bear in. 

But today when he told me that he tries to play with so-called friends at school and they say they don't want to play with him it makes me so upset. What do I do? How do I handle this? What do I teach him in this very normal but hard time of his childhood?

This is what came to me...

Just because someone does not see how great you are does not mean that you aren't great.

Some people , young and old, get caught up in what is going on in their lives, their lifestyle, their group, their projects and/or interests, and they forget to take time to see anything else. And just because they don't see how fun and interesting you are does not mean that you are not fun and interesting.

Sometimes we end up playing alone at recess.

Play. Be creative. Enjoy life. Be awesome.

Sometimes not being a part of the group is better than being a part of it. 

XOXO,

Katie

Every Life Matters Q&A - Briana Johnson

I do this thing where I come up with a word for someone that describes them. One word. I don't know why I do this but after I get to know someone a word just stick with them in my brain. Briana Johnson = Exuberance. The definition of exuberance is "the quality of being full of energy, excitement, and cheerfulness". If you know Briana you are now saying "Yeah... She is exuberant." I told you. She's just a ray of sunshine with a side of spunk.

When I met Briana last summer she treated me like I had been her friend for years. There was a connection with her. And I knew that we were meant to be gal pals. So of course I had to ask such an amazingly awesome person to be a part of my Q&A series. Uh duh... I would be a fool not to.

So I give to you, the exuberant and awesomely wonderful Briana Johnson!

Tell us a bit about yourself.

Hello new friends! I’m Briana Johnson, a girl who loves way too many of any one type of thing to ever pick a favorite.  I am a living room dancer, lifestyle blogger, happiness ambassador, champion of the soul, seeker of the extraordinary in the seemingly ordinary, momma to four littles, and wife to a MS warrior.  I love color, music, places of the world, art, architecture, flowers, but mostly people.  Luckily I've got a house full of some pretty amazing ones.  In our house its not a debate over who gets the remote, its who gets to choose the playlist.  I kind of love that my children love music just about as much as me, until I hear “Last Train to Awesome Town” or Journey’s “Separate Ways” for the millionth time.

Who matters to you?

I have been greatly blessed throughout my entire life with meaningful relationships.  I do not take that lightly as I know there are many out there who have not experienced such joy and security.  

Parents and siblings that love spending time together, usually resulting in laughing so hard you cry.  

A closeness to my Heavenly Father and Savior I have fostered since I was a little girl.  

A husband who is my champion and works hard everyday to lift me and show me how much he loves me.  He fights against the claws of this horrible disease each day of his life and I admire him so much for it.  

My 4LiveCrew, four active kiddos who keep me young.  They love playing together and are learning to work too as our family adjusts to a new life with mom at work.  

Friends of course.  We have had people from all stages of our life pour their love and support into us, especially over the past few years.  

And people... beautiful, beautiful, extraordinary people like you and you.

How do you show them that they matter to you?

Time!  I have heard it said that love in family is spelled T. I. M. E.  I have taken that to heart and have used that as a trigger word to help me remember to spend time with the people that matter most to me.  I have it written on a necklace and in lights in my kitchen.  It is so easy to fall in the trap of just assuming people know that they matter to you because you have told them before or that because they are family or you consider them a friend they will understand if you just need to give time to more ‘pressing matters’.  Of course we would love to spend trips, nights out, and nights in with people we care about, but sometimes time translates to mean a quick trip to the park, a bedtime story, sitting next to each other on the sofa watching funny YouTube videos, or a quick phone call or text letting them know you’re thinking of them. 

Tell us about a time in your life when someone has made you feel like you mattered.

My husband was diagnosed with MS in 2009 and since that time his health has taken a dramatic decline.  Our family dynamic has shifted greatly and I am now the sole provider while he is doing his best to rock it at home as Mr. Mom.  Every day I hear him in our family prayers say he is thankful for me for working so hard and being the best mom in the world.  My kids hear it and I hear them repeat it to me often as they run up and give me hugs after long days at the office.  My husband thinks I am a rock star and it makes all the difference.

Tell us about a time in your life when you felt like you have not mattered.

Comparison is a dangerous weapon.  It may disguise itself as research for betterment, justified jealousy, or it may even tiptoe in very quietly until it wedges a gaping hole in your self-esteem.  I have fallen into the comparison trap many times throughout my life.  

How did you overcome that?

Oh I think there are a lot of factors that help me escape when I find myself in a comparison trap.  Being surrounded by positive thinkers both in my personal and professional life who remind me of my worth.  Breathing and channeling my thoughts to be happy for the person to whom I have compared myself.  Forgetting myself and finding ways to help others.  Naming the good things in my life aloud.  Recognizing the small accomplishments I make and giving them greater weight than the things in which I feel I don’t measure up.

What matters to you and why?

Learning to live a happy life.  Learning to live a happy life despite all the crazy ups and downs, twists and turns, leaps and crashes, solo walks and the bits I’m being carried.  Some days life feels so heavy and I just don’t think I can handle one more thing.  My insecurities and fears creep into my relationships and I wrap barbed wire around myself to keep any feelings from getting in.  It is the greatest mercy that in those moments, I feel the fight within me.  My greater self clambering to get out, to overcome.  My true self, the one I want to free.  And when I am free from fear of uncertainty and self-pity because of that inner fight combined with an undeniable divine enabling power, I am light and I am happy.  These down times have been coming less, with periods of clambering getting shorter.  I am learning more with each triumphant episode how to live a happy life.  My sincerest desire is that as I share with others what I have learned, both through the struggles and the lessons through experience, I may help someone through their own journey.  This will bring me tremendous joy.  

Life can get pretty crazy and there are a lot of distractions and things to get us off track. How do you keep focus on what matters most to you in your life?

Oh this is at the heart and soul of my lifelong quest, how do I focus on the things that I want to give the most attention to instead of to those things that seem to scream the loudest.  I have learned and continue to remind myself that I have to take time for me.  Not just to sit down with my favorite ice cream and watch the latest episode of some BBC series, but to take the time to do those things that light me up, feed into my soul, and put me on the path of becoming who I really want to be.  In order for me to turn and feed into everything and everyone else that needs me, I have to be fed first.  For me that means doing “The Miracle Morning”.  {If you haven’t read the book, go grab it}.  My miracle morning involves investing time first thing in the morning to those things that enrich my mind, body, and spirit, as well as give fuel to my dreams.  Mine involves getting up a good hour before my kids, oh how I’m not naturally a morning person but I promise you I am a different person when I do this.  In that hour plus I pray, read affirmations pertaining to my goals, visualize myself attaining a goal, read my scriptures while writing thoughts in my journal, and then squeeze exercise into the remaining minutes.  The world seems so much lighter and brighter when I do this. 

If you could give one message to those reading this what would it be?

You have a story to share.  Your life may seem ordinary to you, but the life you are leading right now, the journey you are on, what you have gone through and how you have overcome difficulties and pressed forward is worthy of inspiring others.  You are extraordinary.  So many of you are saying right now, me?, not me!  Yes you!  You and you and you.  It does not serve yourself or anyone else around you well to see your life as anything else.  It does not matter your shortcomings, or mistakes, or status, you have a life of purpose that can feel fulfilling and be used to inspire and serve others.  So find out how to believe that {I’d start with investing meaningful time in yourself} and then reach out and share that message of belief with someone else.  We live in a world of extraordinary people that just don’t see it yet.  Imagine how differently your world would be if you did this!  

This is my passion and I am so happy to have shared it with you.  Now you know its unfair that you know a whole lot about me, and I don’t know anything about you.  So come say ‘hi’ over where I hang out, Instagram (@briana6) and my 
blog www.journeywithjohnsons.blogspot.com  Hope to meet you soon!

Every Life Matters Q&A - Suzanne Maddocks

Well what can I say to help you all truly understand how amazing Suzanne is??? If I had to describe her is 3 words they would be; Genuine. Intelligent. RAD.

I met Suzanne last year when I went with my sister to do a maxi skirt party at Suzanne's house. I walked in and instantly knew we should be besties. She has amazing taste in just about everything! And she is the kind of person who makes you really think. You know that quote from Eleanor Roosevelt that's says, "Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people." Well Suzanne is a great mind! She makes me understand who I am. Have you ever had a friend who did that? Made you understand yourself better just by them being their own self? Seriously people... She is a blessing to this world! And she matters to me very much!

I am so excited for you all to get to know her through her Q&A. I hope you all enjoys this weeks Every Life Matters Q&A by the one and only, Suzanne Maddocks!

Tell us a bit about yourself.

I grew up in Texas with three older brothers and two older sisters.  I swam in warm Texas water almost every day. And I LOVE to swim.  I was raised to be smart, strong, kind and unique.  I moved to Utah to attend BYU, I later graduated from the U and later from USU.  When I was 28 I moved from Salt Lake City to Roosevelt which was exciting and emotionally difficult. My grandmother often told me that I could choose to be happy wherever I was.  I try to listen to those words often.  I am married to a hard working artist and we have two lovely children, they are my world. I am social and shy.  I love to learn, and relearn and evolve.  I am a mental health therapist and I knew what I wanted to do when I was in the 7th grade.  I was an office aid for the school counselor and the cutest skater boy, Bobby, went to counseling with her once a week.  It made an impact on me then that there is depth under the surface of a person and it does not matter how cute, rebellious, or put together we are, we all just need someone to talk to! And a sandwich...those help a lot too. 

Who matters to you?

I would love to say that everyone matters to me, and the true answer IS everyone but when I prioritize it is God, family, friends, friends of friends, strangers and people who need help who I can offer some help. So yeah, basically everyone.

How do you show them that they matter to you?

My mind gets a chaotically busy sometimes and I think that I need to complete a thoughtful deed or gift/art project for someone to feel that they matter to me. I end up wasting a lot of time and most of all my energy on something silly that people don't want/need.  I am constantly relearning that time and quality is what people need most from each other. My friends and family have witnessed me relearn this several times. And I am still learning.  

What matters most to you?

Spirituality, calmness, happiness, energy, art, nature, emotional bonds with others, everyone doing their part--being a cog in the great big machine, creativity, simplicity, good feelings, normalness, kindness, laughter, good food and even better music. Oh, and people.  I am definitely a people person. 

Tell us about a time in your life when someone has made you feel like you mattered.

I am fortunate that my mind is flooded with memories, names, feelings and faces of instances where I felt that I mattered. My good and loving parents were successful in helping me understand that I matter to them and to something/someone larger.  I was awfully shy as a kid and I remember the first day of kindergarten being brutal.  There was a retired man from our subdivision who would volunteer in our kindergarten classroom.  We called him Kinder-Pa.  He would talk to, reassure and rock and child in a huge ol' rocking chair until they felt brave enough to handle the big uneasy world of public school.  I did not realize it when I was five, but his time and quality of a man helped me understand that I mattered.  I mattered enough for an old man to leave his house every day and spend his time with a lot of rambunctious children. 

Tell us about a time in your life when you haven't felt like you mattered.

There are countless times that I have felt that I did not matter.  Typically when I have let my personal goals slip and I have let my materialism run rampant, it is very easy to feel that I don't matter, that I don't measure up. That my mom/wife/church skills are sub par.  Its easy to think why I am overlooked for some things, some friends.  When I have negative thoughts that are self-deprecating, comparing in nature, it is because I have let my self get engulfed in negative self talk tsunami that I am responsible to stop. It is not always easy but when things get to me, man, if I can back up and track each thought, I can break it down and begin to build myself up.  I have not always been able to do this, to look at the big picture.  

How did you overcome that?

So how did I overcome that...  Katie, that is a good question because I am still overcoming that but I will tell you what has helped me so far...I slow down.  I think about why I was put on this Earth.  I count my blessings.  I pray.  I hated the book Eat, Pray, Love (that woman was so self absorbed)  but she was really on to something.  I eat a cookie.  I hold my kids and tell them that I love them.  I take a deep breath.  I think about a friend who has been asking me to spend time with or call who I have neglected.  I listen to my children's perspective on how things work.  I let myself laugh.  I read the Book of Mormon.  I ask for help.  I talk about how I am feeling with my favorite therapist (my husband).  I pray again.  I keep praying in my heart.  I cry.  I walk outside and feel the love of my Heavenly Father through our natural surroundings.  I pay attention to someone who has it worse than me, someone who needs help--my help.  Sometimes I have to do some or all of these things, or do all of these things and second and third time until my attitude is switched.  Sometimes all I have to do is read a small paragraph in Sheri Dew's book Women in the Priesthood and I weep with an understanding that I matter.

Life can get pretty crazy and there are a lot of distractions and things to get us off track. How do you keep focus on what matters most to you in your life? 

Life IS crazy!  It is spontaneous and it happens fast. I never really believed the olds when they said that thirty or fifty or seventy five years would flash by but I get it now.  I like to have a routine and I like to plan,  I also like to make excuses and make decision based on my mood.  So my routine has to be fluid.  I have to constantly re prioritize (the most important things are always at the top).  My mom and I were driving in Mexico about ten years ago and there was a blind beggar who had no legs on the side of the road.  She told me that he matters to someone.  Not only is he a child of God, but he was someone's, some mother's child.  That hit me so hard that day and I have since looked at people and life with a different perspective.  That keeps my grounded.  Surrounding myself with good people with similar goals keeps me on track.  Hanging around kids really helps with that.  Being a therapist and realizing that most people have it harder than I do helps with that. Looking at the big picture of life, this opportunity helps with that.  Understanding or at least wondering what I have to offer the world, or just my family, or community, or even myself helps with that.  Also, limiting my FB and IG time helps with that. 

If you could give one message to those reading this what would it be?

If you need  help, find it.  I am a therapist so of course I would say that. I know that we were put here with other human beings so that we could help each other.  I have seen some people with tragic situations transform themselves and reshape their future.  Do something every day that grounds you and makes you feel good to be you.  Think about the big picture and what you have to offer/to change/ to grow with.  Slow down, take a deep breath and laugh.  Ask your maker to help you find joy.